my new year resolutions never end up working, but as i am a fan of grand empty gestures, i thought i’d go through the motions and make a list anyway.
it’ll probably be really funny to go back and read them in 2017 (!!!!)
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS
(that will totally work and then everything will be fine)
1. Drink lots of water. Carry a half-gallon container with me to school and down it during the day. Be one of the obnoxious people that brags about their pee being clear.
Good-ness: 8 (It’s good to drink water, right?)
Plausibility: 2 (There’s no way I’m lugging that much water to school everyday. Plus, I hate asking teachers to go to the bathroom during class and I can’t even finish a cup of water a day normally)
2. Sleep well. Hit the hay or whatever by 12 every night, no exceptions. DO NOT, under any circumstances, stay up until 3 on a school night watching Guy’s Grocery Games.
Good-ness: 9 (The bags under my eyes are so big that they can almost hold every single racist thing Donald Trump has said. Almost.)
Plausibility: 5 (I’ve broken this one already, but I think it shouldn’t be that hard to drag myself
through the flaming pits of hell to put down the phone everyday.)
3. Stop procrastinating. Do everything I need to do before things that I don’t need to. Prioritize so I can be relaxed and calm and not stressed all the time.
Good-ness: 9 (Good fo’ yo grades, good fo’ yo)
Plausibility: 4 (Only NERDS aren’t stressed all the time B)))) )
4. Ski more. The snow was sucky last year and it’s good for my ~bod~. Get over my fear of falling, both metaphorically and literally, at something in front of my friends and suck it up.
Good-ness: 6 (I could die ;) )
Plausibility: 8 (Even though I already lied and told my friend I was sick once to get out of skiing, I’m going to give myself a vote of confidence. Also, I already know this is going to sound incredibly stupid a year later.)
5. Get more followers on every social media platform, e.g. Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, WordPress. As part of my constant quest for validation, I’m going to set a goal to get at least 2k followers between the top three.
Good-ness: 4 (So shallow ! So empty ! So me !)
Plausibility: 5 (brb, going to make a video on how Zayn leaving 1D was a pr stunt/become hot!)
6. Be nice. Stop being such a b!tch toward people that annoy me, and a lil brat when things don’t go my way. Don’t square up over little things.
Good-ness: 9 (One of the main things I need to work on.)
Plausibility: 3 (I am an ESTP, but hey, at least I’m an ESTP that’s self aware.)
7. Treat yoself. Dress to impress, do your makeup, wash your hair more than twice a week and with expensive shampoo. Money is worth self-confidence.
Good-ness: 7 (Confidence is never bad !)
Plausibility: 5 (As 4Chan would say, ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’)
8. Dear God If You’re Listening It’s Me Jenna And All I Want To Do Is Not Die Thx
Plausibility: Ya I Guess