right wingin’, bitter clingin’

i try my very, very best to understand sarah ‘Guns God And Glory’ palin’s endorsement speech for d*nald tr*mp.

quotes – some are taken out of context – and my commentary & reactions.

Sarah Palin : “Thank you so much. It’s so great to be here in Iowa. We’re here just thawing out. Todd and I and a couple of our friends here from Alaska, lending our support for the next president of our great United States of America, Donald J. Trump.”

She still lives in Alaska?!?!?! Oh, right, her 26-year-old son just got arrested at the family home like a few days ago for something relating to domestic violence. He had a gun too. Nice of her to open with a joke though – mentioning Donald Trump as a possible president, never mind a good one, always gets me going.

Sarah Palin : “No more pussy footin’ around! Our troops deserve the best, you deserve the best!”

Pussy footin’?!?!?!?!?!?! Tina Fey’s going to have a field day.

Sarah Palin : “…In the private sector, you actually have to balance budgets in order to prioritize, to keep the main thing, the main thing, and he knows the main thing: a president is to keep us safe economically and militarily. He knows the main thing, and he knows how to lead the charge.”

Fun drinking game: take a shot every time she says ‘main thing’. News flash, Donald Trump knows THE MAIN THING.

Sarah Palin : “Well, and then, funny, ha ha, not funny, but now, what they’re doing is wailing, “well, Trump and his, uh, uh, uh, Trumpeters, they’re not conservative enough.” Oh my goodness gracious. What the heck would the establishment know about conservatism?”

When she says Trumpeters all I can see is this Bill Clinton picture. As Palin would say, ‘oh my goodness gracious’. Also, what does the establishment know about conservatism? They aren’t like, ha ha, the conservative party, or anything, right, uh, uh, uh?

Sarah Palin : “Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution.”

As a Twitter user said, sounds like an Iggy Azalea rap. Love the hand motions too! What happened to separation of church and state though? Thomas Jefferson, who wrote the motherf-ckin Holy Constitution Of Merica believed in it…

Sarah Palin : “…You quit footin’ the bill for these nations who are oil-rich, we’re paying for some of their squirmishes that have been going on for centuries. Where they’re fightin’ each other and yellin’ “Allah Akbar” calling Jihad on each other’s heads for ever and ever. Like I’ve said before, let them duke it out and let Allah sort it out.”

Allah is God in Arabic though…what happened to being a ‘proud clinger of…our god’, Palin? Also, your foreign policy knowledge is on par with mine, and I haven’t graduated high school.

Sarah Palin : “[Donald Trump] has, he’s spent his life with the workin’ man. And he tells us Joe six packs, he said, “You know, I’ve worked very, very hard. And I’ve succeeded. Hugely I’ve succeeded,” he says. And he says, “I want you to succeed too.””

All Donald Trump had when he rose out of poverty were the designer clothes on his back, the thousands of frequent flier miles he had racked up flying to and from St. Barts, and a small loan of a million dollars. Started from the bottom now we here. Also, oh my goodness gracious, what is a Joe six pack??!!?!?! I’m turning into Hillary Clinton – I just can’t keep up with the teenage slang these days.

Sarah Palin : “Exactly one year from tomorrow, former President Barack Obama. He packs up the teleprompters and the selfie-sticks, and the Greek columns, and all that hopey, changey stuff and he heads on back to Chicago, where I’m sure he can find some community there to organize again.”

Maybe the President can use his selfie stick to pat himself on the back for guiding the country through the Great Recession.

SUMMARY:

Donald Trump is guns and God but also those liberals with their selfie sticks and a Joe six pack. But God and the Constitution then pussy footin’ Alaska. Donald Trump!

(SNL, did I do a good job?)

- jenna.

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Author: jenna ♡

May all your dreams come true (even the ones they laughed at).

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